Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Remember When Making Friends Wasn't So Difficult?

Here's the deal.  For my entire life, I've never really had trouble making friends.  And most of my life, except for a couple of miserable years in junior high, I always had friends.  It wasn't difficult for me to find someone who would be willing to stand in my corner.  Ya know, someone who would say, "I've got your back."  From almost every decade of my life, I could list at least one significant person who I considered a BFF.  (I want you to know who you are because I think most of you listed below actually read this blog.)

0-10             Jenny
11-20           Laura C.
21-30           Kara, Shannon, Laura O., Stephanie (College was a good time for me.)
31-Present   Erin

But can I just be honest with y'all?  Making friends as an adult in a town where you did not grow up isn't as easy as one may think.  Make that town a small town in the south and you've got a double whammy.  Yes, indeed, the Lord has blessed me with some amazing acquaintances around here and at church.  And I've been so embraced by my husband's childhood friends.  I would consider them my own friends, as well.  But it's just not quite the same.

And so here I am in a very difficult and unfamiliar space.  When I worked, I had my work friends, ya know?  But then when I decided to stay home my social network looked and sounded a lot like episodes of Barney the purple dinosaur.  I have almost completed my fifth year of being a stay-at-home mom.  Nothing has made me happier and nothing has been more fulfilling.  I wouldn't trade this gift for the world.  But every now and then, I long for female camaraderie. 

This longing a lot of us stay-at-home moms share is kept under wraps.  I think we worry about sounding needy.  To express our issue in a public setting could potentially scare people away.  Or at least that's what we worry about.  I hope this post will expose the need for friendship in a way that will encourage us to step out of our comfort zone, to walk out from underneath the shadow of fear and insecurity, and just be willing to be someone's friend. 

Adulthood and mommyhood can be a very lonely place.  No one is a friend like Jesus, that's true.  And it's quite easy to place expectation and the need for validation on one specific individual.  The problem with that is almost always we end up disappointed, because no one human being can validate us, love us, and give us a sense of worth and security better than Jesus, Himself.  But I do believe He calls us to be friends to one another.  I believe He takes great pleasure in seeing His children love Him by loving others.

So today, if you know someone who could use a friend or maybe just a phone call, won't you be willing?  Don't just send a text OR facebook.  I believe technology is stealing our friendships and we are slowly getting accustomed to interacting with a screen rather than a live human being.  Actually pick up the phone OR stop by someone's house and let them know you've been thinking about them.  You never know how your sacrifice of time and convenience can be the biggest gift of joy and love to someone else. 

Just sayin'...


  1. Wow, so good to know I'm not alone! I often have these same feelings..Its been especially hard since moving to Ruston a few yrs ago. I have a friend here who I call my "1st Ruston friend" and I just found out she is moving to NY!!! Trying not to be too juvenile about it but the truth is I'm really SAD about it! Every now and then you just need some good ole girl time with a close friend!

  2. Oh NO! I so know how you feel. My friend Erin whom I referenced as my 31-Present BFF moved last year. My dad pastored when I was a kid. So we were never in one place for long. I was so excited when I married a Ruston boy. I knew we would live here forever. Only thing is just as soon as I make a great friend, she moves. :( The Lord has taught me so much, though, through it all. Glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing. :)

  3. Well I personally love both these commenters and I am down for being y'alls BFFs at ANY TIME! Linds, sorry but you are kind of forced to since I am your sister :)

  4. Girl, you know I'm with you. We've discussed this on multiple occasions over a number of years.

    Here's what God is teaching me - You want friends? How 'bout you just be a friend? No agenda. No focus on yourself. Just be a friend.


    So, I'm loving that you're encouraging us to reach out. Take the step. Make the phone call. Be.the.friend. Thanks, sista.

    And if we lived near each other, you know I'd be all over our friendship like white on rice ;)

    Love you much!

    1. Yes, you're one of those dear friends that came into my life and then moved away. Why do I always become friends with the ministers' wives?! Y'all always move!! ;) You are so right, though, for real. For so long, I said, "I wish someone would pursue me as a friend." While all along the Lord was saying, "That's not how it works, sister. You be the pursuer." So, there ya go!! Thanks for commenting. :)

  5. Nice to know I am not the only one in Ruston who feels this way. Thought it might be harder to make friends here because I'm not from Ruston and now I'm a single Mom so feel kind of shunned. The friends I've made have all been other single Moms who end up moving away also.