Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Confession of a Serious Drama Queen

Ok, I have a confession, and it's not going to surprise most of you...

I have had a rotten attitude.  Like Weezer in Steele Magnolias, I've been in a very bad mood for 40 years.  And I could go into a hyper-explanation as to why I've had this attitude, but I won't.  So, here are the highlights...

1.  I've been nauseated for 8 solid months, and it's really starting to get on my nerves.
2.  When I sneeze, I feel like my unborn child's elbow is going to pop out.
3.  I'm exhausted a lot....mostly, all of the time...No, all of the time.
4.  I've allowed small trivial things to discourage me and therefore, I feel burned out with most of my extra-curricular activities. 
5.  In the area of ministry, I've become discouraged.  I could go into the specific reasons as to why I feel discouraged, but I don't want to give the enemy any kind of satisfaction right now.  I am certainly NOT entitled to know ANYTHING that is going on in the spiritual realm and especially in the hearts of God's children.  I am certainly not.  These are just feelings and like all other feelings, it will pass. 
6.  I feel so dry...spiritually. 
7.  Personal "stuff" that has to do with relationships and insecurity has wo' me out.  I've let it do that.  I'm getting over it now.  The Lord, seriously, is really working there.  I'm just still reeling from it all.
8.  I need friends!!  Close friends who I can be me around.  Or at least, A friend.  The Lord has been so faithful in putting people in my path....just like I've asked Him.  But I've been too busy to notice because I've been too distracted with figuring out how they are going to benefit me.  It hasn't occurred to me, until now, to ask Him how I could honor Him by loving others.  Duh!!
9.  From a VERY superficial and physical standpoint, I feel like a freak of nature.  Pregnancy weight gain and the fact that my unborn child is measuring 1 to 2 weeks ahead of schedule is starting to stress me out.  Oh yea...and I still have 9 more weeks to go!!
10.  I'm depressed.  I believe, whole-heartedly, it's circumstantial and VERY temporary.  But I am.  I am absolutely certain that 95 percent of it can be attributed to pregnancy and hormones.  And when I feel this way, it spills over into ALL areas of my life....making everything look and feel rotten.  Hence, the rotten attitude.
**Honorable Mention goes to my Daddy Issues and all that encompasses.  Still.  So.  Seriously.  And.  Incredibly.  Jacked.  Up.

There, I feel much better.  I needed to emotionally purge.  You need to know that I have totally and utterly surrendered ALL of this to the Lord.  I want to overcome this.  I really do.  And with the help of the Holy Spirit, I know I can.  The Lord has a lesson or ten He wants to teach me, for once, I'm tuned in.  If you survived this blog post, you deserve a Gold Star.  I am so sorry you had to be a witness to my Pity Party.  But this is me.  And as my dear friend Emily would say, "This is TRUE LIFE, y'all."  Welcome to Crazy Town where I am now officially the mayor.

Just keepin' it real.  Love you ALL!

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