Sometimes, when I start taking myself way too seriously, I have to take a few moments to get it together, to debrief if you will. You know? In other words, to simply pause and say to myself...
Or to use my personal favorite phrase of choice...
Alright, stop! Collaborate and listen!
Because if I'm being real honest, my mind honestly feels like a hot mess mix of bad 90s hip hop. What with all the "stop what you're doing cuz I'm about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to" swirling around in my head. With that being said, I thought I'd let ya know what was going down at the family compound.
First and foremost, the baby was sick over the weekend. She had a fever that turned into a cough. And might I say that I read no such-a parenting book that would explain the dry heaving that comes after your child pukes down your shirt while you're holding her? Oh no, there is no such thing that ever prepared me for such a time as this when baby girl gets downright mad because her cough is keeping her awake at night. But hey! At least she's cute, right?
Well let's see...there's that time LAST weekend where the oldest boy thought it ever so clever to dare his younger brother to cut his hair with actual scissors. Isn't that precious? No worries, though. Leave it to the hubs to come up with quite the creative punishment. I'll skip on sharing the details since we don't need none of ya calling the Po-Po on us over here.
And I'll leave you with one final piece of riveting testimony. Last night, after a long day of cleaning and changing diapers and wiping snot and folding other people's drawers, I had finally settled in for the night. As I was watching Friends and feeling the weight of my eye lids, something black was darting straight up the covers right toward my face, my mouth to be exact. I yelled an expletive and threw the blanket back just in time. I then proceeded to slap the thing with the T.V. remote in hopes of putting us both out of our misery. I walked away with the victory with merely seconds to remain. And that, my friends, is how I almost swallowed a spider before dozing off.
(Did you know the average human swallows about 4 to 10 spiders in a lifetime? Of course, this depends ONLY on whether you sleep on your side, back or stomach.)
(In that case, I'll be sleeping standing up from now on, thank you very much.)
(Thanks, a lot, Google!)