What A Song And A Near-Death Experience Have In Common

Recently, I heard a song on the radio where the lyrics matched my life so closely, it actually scared me.  I quickly downloaded the song when I got home and have been listening to it ever since.  But before I share anymore with you about the song, you must know a little something extra beforehand.

After my dear mother-in-law passed away, I found myself in my very first Faith Crisis.  For my entire life, I've been able to list facts about Christ and Heaven and Creation and so on.  But it wasn't until I became a young adult where the facts about Christ made a connection with my heart.  In fact, I hadn't been a wife or a mother very long until I realized how much the Lord loved me and what and why the sacrifice He made on the Cross was so significant.

But when my mother-in-law died, I found myself gripped with fear about eternity and what happens to us when we pass from this life.  I started questioning everything I knew about God.  Facts I had learned when I was a small child suddenly seemed like facts one would read in a fairy tale.  I started wondering if all of this "stuff" I had banked on for my entire life was really legitimately true.  Nothing will make you question (and perhaps even fear) death more than losing a loved one.  Truly, my feelings were a beautiful demonic mix of fear, humiliation and frustration.

Since coming to know the Lord authentically as a young adult, my husband and I have been called to serve in various forms of ministry.  I remember telling the Lord one day, "How can I be an effective witness for Christ when I'm not even sure if I believe all of this, myself."  These new-found feelings had me questioning my very own experiences with the Lord.  I was questioning whether He really did, in fact, bring me out of a sinful life, whether He had really mended my broken heart, whether His Son really loved me enough to die for me.  Really?  Did He really do that?  I thought, how am I going to be able to continue in ministry when I wasn't even convinced myself. 

And then my husband and I took a trip to Canada in July.  Many of you know of our traumatic experience there.  If not, you can read about it here.  But just to quickly recap, my husband and I decided to go white water rafting with some friends.  Of course, we knew the risks, but still thought it would be worth the trouble and the fun.  We found ourselves facing death square in the face when our raft turned upside down and we were both caught in the frightening rapids of the Kicking Horse River.  I met my biggest fear as I was trapped underneath the overturned raft for what we later learned was over a half mile of the river.  Minutes felt like hours as I was given only two opportunities to gasp for air.  After breathing in a few breaths from my last air bubble, I was back underwater for a significant amount of time. 

My mind was racing during that moment.  My brain was all over the place.  I was telling myself to not panic while having flashes of my three children's faces.  I asked the Lord to please not take both my husband and me. I couldn't bare the thought of my children being orphans.  But as I was having this inner dialogue with myself and the Lord, I found myself surprisingly at peace about my next destination.  I was freakishly calm about the fact that IF the Lord chose to end my life at that very moment, I knew EXACTLY where I was headed.  I was waiting to lose consciousness as I felt my lungs filling with water and I even remember thinking to myself, "When you wake up, you will be looking in the eyes of Jesus."  It was alarmingly comfortable.

The Lord gives and takes away.  He chose to allow me to live.  Of course, I realize I was given the gift of life and I bless His name for that.  But I was also given a gift to share with you.  The enemy preys on our thoughts.  He knows that if he can't get us with addiction or materialism or things of the sort...he knows he can at least get us to question our faith and our salvation.  I feel certain God allowed me to almost drown in that river just so He could bring me out with a story to tell. 

Friends, my story today is this...

Don't let the enemy deceive you.  If you have chosen to live your life for the Lord, then go and do just that while believing that you belong to Him.  Nothing can take that away from you.    Once you get that, receive it and then share it with others. 

This brings me back to the original reason for this post.  The song I mentioned earlier speaks of this struggle that we sometimes have when we start to question our beliefs, our faith.  I pray the lyrics will speak to you like they have to me.  You'll see just in the few lines of the song why it got my attention. 

(I'm just not sure if I'll ever be able to look at a natural body of water the same.)

   You Lead
   By: Jamie Grace

I've got waves that are tossin' me,
Crashin' all over my beliefs,
And in all sincerity, Lord,
I wanna be yours,
So pull me out of this mess I'm in,
Cause I know I'm wanderin'
Lead my soul back home again,
I've always been yours,

And this world may push, may pull,
But your love it never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

As a child I heard your voice,
But as a girl I made my choice,
There is no other way for me,
I'm devoted to you,
You're my peace on the heavy days,
You're the warmth of an autumn blaze,
Your love carries me away,
And it's never too soon, no...

And this world may push, may pull,
But your mercy never fails,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on,
Just lead me on, on, on and on,

Sometimes when I wake up, I don't wanna rise up, Out of my bed, too many thoughts in my head,
Don't wanna be who I used to be,
Gonna take the back seat and let you lead,
And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going too fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,

You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly, yeah,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more then I can see,
So lead me on...
Lead me on...

And I...
Need to stop, need to stop,
Cause I'm going too fast,
And I...
Know my God is still God, And you got my back,
You got my back,
I know ya got me, I know ya got me,
I know ya got me, Lead me on...