"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4
Dear Father,
Tomorrow our lives will be forever changed...again. Tomorrow, we will welcome and embrace our 3rd child, a precious little girl that you have entrusted us to love and raise. As I go into tomorrow, my emotions are all over the place. There is a bittersweet feeling that comes with the ending of this phase of our lives and the beginning of a new path you have already predetermined for our family. I place every feeling I am having now and will have between now and tomorrow at your feet. I ask you to take over and do what you do best. It is such a relief AND a huge fear to know that I am not in control, that you and you alone, will determine what tomorrow holds for us. So, as we begin this journey with our 3rd child, our very 1st daughter, I give it all to you and ask you to have your way.
This world has so many views and expectations of women. I ask that our little girl will find her identity and value in you, Jesus, her Savior. I pray that as she grows up in this home, that she will experience you everyday and that her daddy and me would reflect you in our lives everyday. And when we mess up, because we know that we will, that you will be quick to convict so that as her parents we can show her the miraculous and healing power of your forgiveness. May she always know that you want a relationship with her, that you are the only one who can fill the voided areas of her life. That she will realize early on what you did for her on that cross and that she will want to spend her days loving you, serving you, honoring you, and telling others about what you've done for her and them. Protect her from the ways of the world. Help her to overcome temptation. And when she fails, Father, come out of Heaven for her, scoop her up, dust her off, and embrace her so that she knows you will always love her and that there is nothing she can do that is unforgivable. Help her to know that every step she takes in this life is part of the plan you have for her life and that her history and destiny are rooted in the same...Jesus Christ. May we as her parents teach her and show her that there is so much more to you than rules, than church, than Sunday School, than VBS, than youth camps, than mission trips. Yes, all of those things are important and will give her fundamental facts and information that she will need in her walk with you. But what really matters is the interaction between her heart and yours.
I pray that as her mother, I can teach her what it means to be a woman of noble character. I pray that the love I have for you and your word will be contagious to her and that she will catch it and it will spread like wild fire in her heart. I pray that she will see early the importance of knowing your word and hiding it in her heart. And as I take pride in taking care of our home and my children, that she will see the tremendous value in being the caretaker and caregiver of her future home.
I pray that she becomes a daddy's girl from the moment she enters this world. That she will know right away how much her daddy loves her and how much he wants her. I pray that you would help her daddy to teach her how to be loved by a man. That he will be able to instill in her a sense of value and worthiness. That she will learn from him how to be loved by a husband and what to expect from her husband. I pray that he can teach her to be strong and to make smart decisions. And when the time is appropriate, help him to help her understand that it is good and ok to be a butt-kicking woman as long as her actions reflect you. I pray that from me she will learn how to be a lady full of class and grace. I pray that she will honor you by taking care of and covering up her body. And as her parents, shield us from putting too high of expectations on her and never once allow us to live vicariously through her and her two brothers. You have a plan for her life. Use us to only guide her to and through that plan.
For her future husband, Father, protect him wherever he is. I realize he may not even be born yet, but you know who he is. Raise him up to be a man of God, one who loves you, seeks you, and honors you with every ounce of his being. Lord, protect our girl from those who want to cause her harm. I know you've already assigned a guardian angel to her side for I have felt that throughout this pregnancy. Please allow that angel to always be by her side and to shield her from any danger that comes her way. Ultimately, Father, she is yours. She belonged to you, first. You created her. She is merely on loan to her daddy and me. Help us to take our role as her parents very seriously. Lead, guide and direct us every step of the way.
Thank you for our grace gift, our precious baby girl. We love you and are ready to take this adventure with you, Jesus. It's in your name I ask all these things, Amen.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Hey! You're sitting in my pew!!
I can't seem to get past a statement I heard a pastor say last week. He said, "It's all fun and games until it costs me something." He, being a pastor, was of course directing this statement to the people of his church. And after hearing it, I started asking myself what that exactly meant to me and how did it apply to my church. Our Sunday School class was discussing it NOT in great detail but just kind of tossing the idea around, and I, without hesitation, got on my soap box. (I hate when I do that.) But I have to admit that the thoughts I had swirling around in my head pertaining to this particularly statement were not new thoughts to me. In fact, I had been thinking about this...not knowing really what I was thinking about...for a while now.
In regards to church and in regards to Christianity, in general, don't we do this ALL of the time? I mean...aren't we okay with something until it starts costing us something? Like our time and/or our money? For example, we'll keep attending the same church week in and week out UNTIL we show up one Sunday and someone's sitting in our pew. Or God forbid, someone has parked in our parking spot. Or what about the Sundays when your pastor presents a challenge to you? Like for example, would you be willing to seek out one person this week and share Christ with him or her? Wait! What?! You mean I actually have to talk to someone about my faith?
Please excuse my sarcasm and please know that I, more than anyone, have experienced all of these feelings and emotions when I've been asked to step out of my comfort zone as a Christian. Haven't we all? But something the Lord is really showing me lately is that we are ALL called to step out of our comfort zone. If we call ourselves Christians...if we claim to be a follower of Christ....then it is our duty, our responsibility to "go and preach the Gospel to every creature." (The Great Commission...Mark 16:15) So many of us excuse ourselves from this responsibility by simply saying,
"Oh, that is not MY calling. That's just not me. I wouldn't know what to say. Someone else can do that....share Christ with others. Now, who do I make my check out to?"
See, it's quite easy to write a check or stick cash in an envelope. And there are definitely times when God calls us to do just that. There's nothing wrong with supporting missions or another person's ministry. But if that's all we choose to do, then we really are missing the mark. And I would be even bold to say that if that is all we choose to do, then we really aren't doing what Christ has called us to do. You have a mission field right where you are...your home, your neighborhood, your job, your circle of friends. Everywhere you go is an opportunity to be Christ and share Christ with someone else. And it doesn't have to start with you hitting them upside their head with your Bible or putting a Gospel track in their hands. It simply starts with a conversation, a friendship, a connection, a relationship. Just remind yourself how Jesus first revealed Himself to you. For me, He became my friend. And slowly, overtime, He started filling voids in my life. He became my Heavenly Daddy. He became my Secret Keeper. He became my Savior. He became my Redeemer.
I don't know if any of this is making sense. Heck, I'm still trying to make sense of it for myself. I just know the Lord has a special calling on my life. I have purpose. SO DO YOU! And that purpose is centered around telling the world about who He is and what He's done in my life so that He, too, can do the same in others. Right now, my mission field is my home. Tomorrow, the Lord may grow my mission field. Until then, I will make Him proud with what He's given me. Or I will try my hardest. I may not ever go across the world to tell others about Christ, but then again, the Lord may call me to do just that one day. You see? I don't have to wait until He gives me specific orders. He's already done that. He did that on the day I surrendered my life to Him. It became my duty, my responsibility, my calling to tell others about Him. AND THE SAME IS TRUE FOR YOU! As a follower of Christ, I am not my own. And neither are you if that is what you call yourself and really mean it.
You've been commissioned. What are you waiting for?
"Your very lives are a letter that ANYONE can read by just LOOKING at you. Christ himself wrote it - not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives - AND WE PUBLISH IT." -2 Corinthians 3:3 (The Message)
In regards to church and in regards to Christianity, in general, don't we do this ALL of the time? I mean...aren't we okay with something until it starts costing us something? Like our time and/or our money? For example, we'll keep attending the same church week in and week out UNTIL we show up one Sunday and someone's sitting in our pew. Or God forbid, someone has parked in our parking spot. Or what about the Sundays when your pastor presents a challenge to you? Like for example, would you be willing to seek out one person this week and share Christ with him or her? Wait! What?! You mean I actually have to talk to someone about my faith?
Please excuse my sarcasm and please know that I, more than anyone, have experienced all of these feelings and emotions when I've been asked to step out of my comfort zone as a Christian. Haven't we all? But something the Lord is really showing me lately is that we are ALL called to step out of our comfort zone. If we call ourselves Christians...if we claim to be a follower of Christ....then it is our duty, our responsibility to "go and preach the Gospel to every creature." (The Great Commission...Mark 16:15) So many of us excuse ourselves from this responsibility by simply saying,
"Oh, that is not MY calling. That's just not me. I wouldn't know what to say. Someone else can do that....share Christ with others. Now, who do I make my check out to?"
See, it's quite easy to write a check or stick cash in an envelope. And there are definitely times when God calls us to do just that. There's nothing wrong with supporting missions or another person's ministry. But if that's all we choose to do, then we really are missing the mark. And I would be even bold to say that if that is all we choose to do, then we really aren't doing what Christ has called us to do. You have a mission field right where you are...your home, your neighborhood, your job, your circle of friends. Everywhere you go is an opportunity to be Christ and share Christ with someone else. And it doesn't have to start with you hitting them upside their head with your Bible or putting a Gospel track in their hands. It simply starts with a conversation, a friendship, a connection, a relationship. Just remind yourself how Jesus first revealed Himself to you. For me, He became my friend. And slowly, overtime, He started filling voids in my life. He became my Heavenly Daddy. He became my Secret Keeper. He became my Savior. He became my Redeemer.
I don't know if any of this is making sense. Heck, I'm still trying to make sense of it for myself. I just know the Lord has a special calling on my life. I have purpose. SO DO YOU! And that purpose is centered around telling the world about who He is and what He's done in my life so that He, too, can do the same in others. Right now, my mission field is my home. Tomorrow, the Lord may grow my mission field. Until then, I will make Him proud with what He's given me. Or I will try my hardest. I may not ever go across the world to tell others about Christ, but then again, the Lord may call me to do just that one day. You see? I don't have to wait until He gives me specific orders. He's already done that. He did that on the day I surrendered my life to Him. It became my duty, my responsibility, my calling to tell others about Him. AND THE SAME IS TRUE FOR YOU! As a follower of Christ, I am not my own. And neither are you if that is what you call yourself and really mean it.
You've been commissioned. What are you waiting for?
"Your very lives are a letter that ANYONE can read by just LOOKING at you. Christ himself wrote it - not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives - AND WE PUBLISH IT." -2 Corinthians 3:3 (The Message)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Rainbow After the Storm
Life was clicking on along. Things seemed to be running pretty smooth. Then, crisis struck. In an instant, my world was rocked. My fear was staring me dead in the face. And my God never left my side.
In a nutshell, that is what the last couple of weeks have looked like in my life. A couple of Saturdays ago, I tried to call my mother's cell phone and her dearest friend answered it letting me know my mother was in the ER at the local hospital. My mother had a kidney stone that was too large to pass and had become infected. Over the next 24 hours, my sister and I stood by my mother's side in the ICU and had to endure words like low blood pressure, sepsis, life support, and possible death. My mother desperately needed a procedure where a stint would be put in in order to drain her infected kidney, but her blood pressure was entirely too low for her to undergo anesthesia. Her body had also become septic. The longer the sepsis stayed in her body, the higher the risk of her losing her life became. As the anesthesiologist described it, "We were stuck between a rock and a hard place." Mom's urologist delivered the difficult news. After explaining to us what was going on in her body, I asked him, "What does this mean as far as putting her life in jeopardy?". He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Either way, her life is in jeopardy."
There it was. Out there for my sister and I to take in. True life in the rawest of form. As my sister and I went back into our mother's room in the ICU, Hannah, my sister, asked me to pray. And I couldn't do it. I was able to throw some words up. I don't remember what they were. And I'm pretty sure they didn't make it past the ceiling. But in my heart, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't put an intelligent sentence together. All I knew was that I needed my mom. At 61, I knew it was too soon for her life to end. With that in mind, over and over in my heart, I begged the Lord, "Please, God, not now. Please, Lord, this is too much. Keep her alive, Father. We need her."
And sometimes, friends, that's all it takes. Just a few words. And when life is too difficult to even muster up words, Jesus knows our hearts. Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." And that is just what Jesus did for me. He interceded to His Father, my God, on my mother's behalf. Bless God. The Lord heard our cries. And my mother is now home. Alive. Recovering. Healing.
It was a long road. I tell you the truth. After an interesting round of ICU psychosis, the physical effects of the big-gun antibiotics, and hearing loss in her left ear as a result of those big-gun antibiotics, my mother still has a ways to go before she's 100 percent. But she's alive. And as a result of this difficult time in our lives, we all love each other a little bit more, love our God a whole lot more, and were able to experience the overwhelming doses of the love He has for us. That, to me, is what makes Him such a miraculous mix of mystery and beauty. It is true. There is so much purpose in crisis, as my favorite Bible teacher Beth Moore would say. He, indeed, makes the rough places smooth. He, indeed, walks through fire with us. And He, indeed, never lets go. We experienced a thunder storm of epic proportion in our lives, but we now know the beauty and miracles that come with the Rainbow at the end of the storm. I will be forever grateful for that.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23
In a nutshell, that is what the last couple of weeks have looked like in my life. A couple of Saturdays ago, I tried to call my mother's cell phone and her dearest friend answered it letting me know my mother was in the ER at the local hospital. My mother had a kidney stone that was too large to pass and had become infected. Over the next 24 hours, my sister and I stood by my mother's side in the ICU and had to endure words like low blood pressure, sepsis, life support, and possible death. My mother desperately needed a procedure where a stint would be put in in order to drain her infected kidney, but her blood pressure was entirely too low for her to undergo anesthesia. Her body had also become septic. The longer the sepsis stayed in her body, the higher the risk of her losing her life became. As the anesthesiologist described it, "We were stuck between a rock and a hard place." Mom's urologist delivered the difficult news. After explaining to us what was going on in her body, I asked him, "What does this mean as far as putting her life in jeopardy?". He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Either way, her life is in jeopardy."
There it was. Out there for my sister and I to take in. True life in the rawest of form. As my sister and I went back into our mother's room in the ICU, Hannah, my sister, asked me to pray. And I couldn't do it. I was able to throw some words up. I don't remember what they were. And I'm pretty sure they didn't make it past the ceiling. But in my heart, I didn't know what to say. I couldn't put an intelligent sentence together. All I knew was that I needed my mom. At 61, I knew it was too soon for her life to end. With that in mind, over and over in my heart, I begged the Lord, "Please, God, not now. Please, Lord, this is too much. Keep her alive, Father. We need her."
And sometimes, friends, that's all it takes. Just a few words. And when life is too difficult to even muster up words, Jesus knows our hearts. Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." And that is just what Jesus did for me. He interceded to His Father, my God, on my mother's behalf. Bless God. The Lord heard our cries. And my mother is now home. Alive. Recovering. Healing.
It was a long road. I tell you the truth. After an interesting round of ICU psychosis, the physical effects of the big-gun antibiotics, and hearing loss in her left ear as a result of those big-gun antibiotics, my mother still has a ways to go before she's 100 percent. But she's alive. And as a result of this difficult time in our lives, we all love each other a little bit more, love our God a whole lot more, and were able to experience the overwhelming doses of the love He has for us. That, to me, is what makes Him such a miraculous mix of mystery and beauty. It is true. There is so much purpose in crisis, as my favorite Bible teacher Beth Moore would say. He, indeed, makes the rough places smooth. He, indeed, walks through fire with us. And He, indeed, never lets go. We experienced a thunder storm of epic proportion in our lives, but we now know the beauty and miracles that come with the Rainbow at the end of the storm. I will be forever grateful for that.
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23
Thursday, April 28, 2011
E-Nuff Already!
So, if you read my blog post yesterday, I am so very sorry. I must apologize because it was a moment in time where all the planets were revolving around Lindsey. And although it felt good to emotionally regurgitate all over you, I am so thankful it is over. The feelings have passed. The Lord has moved and done His thing in my heart, and I feel so much better. So much.
I remembered this morning my friend who has a 5-year-old daughter recovering in the hospital from pneumonia that nearly took her life. I also recalled my friend who, only 2 months ago, had a brain tumor removed from her head. As Mother's Day is approaching, I was reminded of my friend who had to bury her unborn child when she was only 6 months pregnant just 2 years ago. And while I believe it is certainly okay to vent and throw ourselves Pity Parties once-in-a-while, I am struck with the fact that Jesus NEVER once complained about His set of circumstances. Scripture doesn't offer us a dialogue between Jesus and His disciples where Jesus was emotionally purging all over His closest friends. The disciples complained plenty but never Jesus. Not once.
My friends I mentioned above have had to walk down horrible, hurtful paths in life. Yet, they are some of the most incredibly positive people I know. And if Jesus NEVER once vented about how mean everyone was treating Him, or how His feet were really hurting Him from all of the walking, or how ministering to others was really getting old, or the BIGGIE, complaining about His incurring death on a cross and the whole crucifixion thing, then can't I suck it up, myself?! My life is good, y'all. Real good. And the Lord had His gentle way of reminding me of that yesterday in a way that only He could.
And today, I am grateful. I am thankful. I am joyful. And I am so over myself.
Dear Lord,
Your grace really does amaze me. Your compassions really do not ever fail. They really are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. Thank you for being my portion. Thank you for being ever-present in my life. Thank you for putting up with me and not giving up. Thank you for your lessons. Thank you for when life is good. And thank you for when life is hard. Help me to keep my eyes on what is unseen rather than what is seen. For what is unseen is eternal, you, my Father. And what is seen is so very temporary. And praise you for that. Today, Lord, set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the doors of my lips. I ask this for when I speak to others and when I speak to myself. I have always been my own worst enemy. And nothing rocks my core more than buying into the lies I tell myself. I hate that I'm so convincing. Be the pursuer of my soul. That way, everyone else is let off of the hook from having to do just that. I love you so much, Abba. In Jesus' Name-Amen.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..." -Isaiah 43:2-3a
I remembered this morning my friend who has a 5-year-old daughter recovering in the hospital from pneumonia that nearly took her life. I also recalled my friend who, only 2 months ago, had a brain tumor removed from her head. As Mother's Day is approaching, I was reminded of my friend who had to bury her unborn child when she was only 6 months pregnant just 2 years ago. And while I believe it is certainly okay to vent and throw ourselves Pity Parties once-in-a-while, I am struck with the fact that Jesus NEVER once complained about His set of circumstances. Scripture doesn't offer us a dialogue between Jesus and His disciples where Jesus was emotionally purging all over His closest friends. The disciples complained plenty but never Jesus. Not once.
My friends I mentioned above have had to walk down horrible, hurtful paths in life. Yet, they are some of the most incredibly positive people I know. And if Jesus NEVER once vented about how mean everyone was treating Him, or how His feet were really hurting Him from all of the walking, or how ministering to others was really getting old, or the BIGGIE, complaining about His incurring death on a cross and the whole crucifixion thing, then can't I suck it up, myself?! My life is good, y'all. Real good. And the Lord had His gentle way of reminding me of that yesterday in a way that only He could.
And today, I am grateful. I am thankful. I am joyful. And I am so over myself.
Dear Lord,
Your grace really does amaze me. Your compassions really do not ever fail. They really are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. Thank you for being my portion. Thank you for being ever-present in my life. Thank you for putting up with me and not giving up. Thank you for your lessons. Thank you for when life is good. And thank you for when life is hard. Help me to keep my eyes on what is unseen rather than what is seen. For what is unseen is eternal, you, my Father. And what is seen is so very temporary. And praise you for that. Today, Lord, set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the doors of my lips. I ask this for when I speak to others and when I speak to myself. I have always been my own worst enemy. And nothing rocks my core more than buying into the lies I tell myself. I hate that I'm so convincing. Be the pursuer of my soul. That way, everyone else is let off of the hook from having to do just that. I love you so much, Abba. In Jesus' Name-Amen.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior..." -Isaiah 43:2-3a
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Confession of a Serious Drama Queen
Ok, I have a confession, and it's not going to surprise most of you...
I have had a rotten attitude. Like Weezer in Steele Magnolias, I've been in a very bad mood for 40 years. And I could go into a hyper-explanation as to why I've had this attitude, but I won't. So, here are the highlights...
1. I've been nauseated for 8 solid months, and it's really starting to get on my nerves.
2. When I sneeze, I feel like my unborn child's elbow is going to pop out.
3. I'm exhausted a lot....mostly, all of the time...No, all of the time.
4. I've allowed small trivial things to discourage me and therefore, I feel burned out with most of my extra-curricular activities.
5. In the area of ministry, I've become discouraged. I could go into the specific reasons as to why I feel discouraged, but I don't want to give the enemy any kind of satisfaction right now. I am certainly NOT entitled to know ANYTHING that is going on in the spiritual realm and especially in the hearts of God's children. I am certainly not. These are just feelings and like all other feelings, it will pass.
6. I feel so dry...spiritually.
7. Personal "stuff" that has to do with relationships and insecurity has wo' me out. I've let it do that. I'm getting over it now. The Lord, seriously, is really working there. I'm just still reeling from it all.
8. I need friends!! Close friends who I can be me around. Or at least, A friend. The Lord has been so faithful in putting people in my path....just like I've asked Him. But I've been too busy to notice because I've been too distracted with figuring out how they are going to benefit me. It hasn't occurred to me, until now, to ask Him how I could honor Him by loving others. Duh!!
9. From a VERY superficial and physical standpoint, I feel like a freak of nature. Pregnancy weight gain and the fact that my unborn child is measuring 1 to 2 weeks ahead of schedule is starting to stress me out. Oh yea...and I still have 9 more weeks to go!!
10. I'm depressed. I believe, whole-heartedly, it's circumstantial and VERY temporary. But I am. I am absolutely certain that 95 percent of it can be attributed to pregnancy and hormones. And when I feel this way, it spills over into ALL areas of my life....making everything look and feel rotten. Hence, the rotten attitude.
**Honorable Mention goes to my Daddy Issues and all that encompasses. Still. So. Seriously. And. Incredibly. Jacked. Up.
There, I feel much better. I needed to emotionally purge. You need to know that I have totally and utterly surrendered ALL of this to the Lord. I want to overcome this. I really do. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, I know I can. The Lord has a lesson or ten He wants to teach me here....so, for once, I'm tuned in. If you survived this blog post, you deserve a Gold Star. I am so sorry you had to be a witness to my Pity Party. But this is me. And as my dear friend Emily would say, "This is TRUE LIFE, y'all." Welcome to Crazy Town where I am now officially the mayor.
Just keepin' it real. Love you ALL!
Linds
I have had a rotten attitude. Like Weezer in Steele Magnolias, I've been in a very bad mood for 40 years. And I could go into a hyper-explanation as to why I've had this attitude, but I won't. So, here are the highlights...
1. I've been nauseated for 8 solid months, and it's really starting to get on my nerves.
2. When I sneeze, I feel like my unborn child's elbow is going to pop out.
3. I'm exhausted a lot....mostly, all of the time...No, all of the time.
4. I've allowed small trivial things to discourage me and therefore, I feel burned out with most of my extra-curricular activities.
5. In the area of ministry, I've become discouraged. I could go into the specific reasons as to why I feel discouraged, but I don't want to give the enemy any kind of satisfaction right now. I am certainly NOT entitled to know ANYTHING that is going on in the spiritual realm and especially in the hearts of God's children. I am certainly not. These are just feelings and like all other feelings, it will pass.
6. I feel so dry...spiritually.
7. Personal "stuff" that has to do with relationships and insecurity has wo' me out. I've let it do that. I'm getting over it now. The Lord, seriously, is really working there. I'm just still reeling from it all.
8. I need friends!! Close friends who I can be me around. Or at least, A friend. The Lord has been so faithful in putting people in my path....just like I've asked Him. But I've been too busy to notice because I've been too distracted with figuring out how they are going to benefit me. It hasn't occurred to me, until now, to ask Him how I could honor Him by loving others. Duh!!
9. From a VERY superficial and physical standpoint, I feel like a freak of nature. Pregnancy weight gain and the fact that my unborn child is measuring 1 to 2 weeks ahead of schedule is starting to stress me out. Oh yea...and I still have 9 more weeks to go!!
10. I'm depressed. I believe, whole-heartedly, it's circumstantial and VERY temporary. But I am. I am absolutely certain that 95 percent of it can be attributed to pregnancy and hormones. And when I feel this way, it spills over into ALL areas of my life....making everything look and feel rotten. Hence, the rotten attitude.
**Honorable Mention goes to my Daddy Issues and all that encompasses. Still. So. Seriously. And. Incredibly. Jacked. Up.
There, I feel much better. I needed to emotionally purge. You need to know that I have totally and utterly surrendered ALL of this to the Lord. I want to overcome this. I really do. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, I know I can. The Lord has a lesson or ten He wants to teach me here....so, for once, I'm tuned in. If you survived this blog post, you deserve a Gold Star. I am so sorry you had to be a witness to my Pity Party. But this is me. And as my dear friend Emily would say, "This is TRUE LIFE, y'all." Welcome to Crazy Town where I am now officially the mayor.
Just keepin' it real. Love you ALL!
Linds
Monday, April 18, 2011
What My Favorite T-shirt and Easter Have In Common
What a special week!! After Christmas, Easter is my 2nd most favorite holiday. I love Spring time...the warmer weather, the flowers...it always reminds me of the many promises God makes to us in regards to 2nd chances and new beginnings. Easter represents so many feelings and emotions for me...too many for me to write about, but I believe I can paint you a picture of just how I'm feeling this week as I reflect on what Easter means to me, personally, and to the entire world.
A few years ago, I got involved in our church's Women's Ministry. With new leadership in place, we decided to design a T-shirt for women to purchase in our church. It was my favorite color, pink, and had one of my favorite Bible verses on it...Psalm 33:4 (NIV). "For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all he does." I fell in love with this shirt. I wore it all of the time. It was comfortable and went with everything. It was, indeed, my FAVORITE shirt I owned.
One day, while doing laundry, I made an awful mistake. I put my beloved pink T-shirt in the washing machine along with something blue. When I pulled my shirt out of the washing machine, you can imagine my horror. All over it were these ugly blue spots. I was devastated. Seriously, I cried. That's how much I LOVED this T-shirt. So, quickly I began to think during this moment of panic, and I remembered a box at the church having extra T-shirts in it. So, the very next chance I got, I went to the church, went straight to the box of T-shirts, grabbed me one to replace the blue spotted pink T-shirt I so stupidly ruined in the wash, and threw it in my purse to take home later to proudly wear that week.
That night at church, I was visiting with a woman who was attending our church for the first time. As we were visiting, she was telling me how she had noticed several women in our church wearing our Women's Ministry T-shirts. She told me how much she loved them and asked me if I knew how she could get one. I asked her what size did she wear and she, of course, told me. She wore the same size as me, and I remembered how I had just gone into that box of extra T-shirts and taken the VERY last T-shirt in my size. Well, I was in a dilemma. It felt for a moment as if time had stopped. Everything was happening in slow motion, and for ONCE, I was actually thinking before speaking. The Lord, with His gentle voice, said, "Give her your shirt." I didn't really argue with the Lord unless you call my VERY long pause of silence arguing. I was not, though, very quick to obey. That's for sure. But I took a few moments to think and listen. So, I did just what He said. I gave her the shirt right out of my purse and the look on her face made this "tiny to most, but BIG to me" sacrifice worth every bit of it.
I went home that night and started my week, as usual. I chose to wear my blue spotted T-shirt despite its ugliness. Of course, I wore it only at home and only when cleaning, but I still wore it with a little hint of disappointment. After cleaning house one day, my favorite T-shirt, of course, got dirty and required washing. As I was pulling it out of the washing machine, I promise you, the Red Sea parted in my laundry room. That pink blue spotted T-shirt came out of that machine with NOT ONE single spot on it. I couldn't believe it. I was speechless, shocked, and overjoyed. And just like when I was talking to the women in church, I heard, again, God's sweet and gentle voice. He said, "That's what I did for you. I washed your spots away."
And just like that, the Lord reminded me of what He had done for ME. Just like He washed those blue spots off of my most favorite T-shirt, He did the very same thing when He died for me on that cross. And that, my friends, is why I celebrate Easter and why it means so much to me. You see, my past is full of dirty, nasty, awful and humiliating mistakes. But when I asked the Lord to be the God of my life, He forgave me for those mistakes. And my slate has been wiped clean. I am a redeemed Princess of the King...an heir to the VERY throne of God. I have been promised eternity with my Heavenly Daddy, and until then, I have complete access to the Holy of Holies because Jesus intercedes to Him on my behalf. I get all of this because of the cross. I get all of this because I asked him to wash my spots away, and He DID. Just like those blue spots represented a horrible domestic mistake, the spots on my heart represented many terrible things I had done to myself and to my God. But after surrendering my life to Christ, He, just like with that pink T-shirt, washed my heart clean. He washed away my spots like He washed away the spots on my favorite T-shirt. That's just how He is.
And He wants to do that for you. Ask Him. Ask Him NOW. Ask Him to be the Lord of your life and wash your spots away. Isn't it time?! Aren't you ready to be set free from the chains those spots have represented in your life?! The only way to do that is to face them...face your spots...face your mistakes. Acknowledge them to the Lord. Tell Him about your mistakes, ask Him to forgive you for them, and then ask Him to be the Lord and Savior of your life. He'll do it. And just like I can walk around with my blue spot FREE pink T-shirt, you can walk around with a spot FREE heart. He wants you. Now. What are you waiting for?
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all of your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." -Ezekiel 36:25-27 (NIV)
A few years ago, I got involved in our church's Women's Ministry. With new leadership in place, we decided to design a T-shirt for women to purchase in our church. It was my favorite color, pink, and had one of my favorite Bible verses on it...Psalm 33:4 (NIV). "For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all he does." I fell in love with this shirt. I wore it all of the time. It was comfortable and went with everything. It was, indeed, my FAVORITE shirt I owned.
One day, while doing laundry, I made an awful mistake. I put my beloved pink T-shirt in the washing machine along with something blue. When I pulled my shirt out of the washing machine, you can imagine my horror. All over it were these ugly blue spots. I was devastated. Seriously, I cried. That's how much I LOVED this T-shirt. So, quickly I began to think during this moment of panic, and I remembered a box at the church having extra T-shirts in it. So, the very next chance I got, I went to the church, went straight to the box of T-shirts, grabbed me one to replace the blue spotted pink T-shirt I so stupidly ruined in the wash, and threw it in my purse to take home later to proudly wear that week.
That night at church, I was visiting with a woman who was attending our church for the first time. As we were visiting, she was telling me how she had noticed several women in our church wearing our Women's Ministry T-shirts. She told me how much she loved them and asked me if I knew how she could get one. I asked her what size did she wear and she, of course, told me. She wore the same size as me, and I remembered how I had just gone into that box of extra T-shirts and taken the VERY last T-shirt in my size. Well, I was in a dilemma. It felt for a moment as if time had stopped. Everything was happening in slow motion, and for ONCE, I was actually thinking before speaking. The Lord, with His gentle voice, said, "Give her your shirt." I didn't really argue with the Lord unless you call my VERY long pause of silence arguing. I was not, though, very quick to obey. That's for sure. But I took a few moments to think and listen. So, I did just what He said. I gave her the shirt right out of my purse and the look on her face made this "tiny to most, but BIG to me" sacrifice worth every bit of it.
I went home that night and started my week, as usual. I chose to wear my blue spotted T-shirt despite its ugliness. Of course, I wore it only at home and only when cleaning, but I still wore it with a little hint of disappointment. After cleaning house one day, my favorite T-shirt, of course, got dirty and required washing. As I was pulling it out of the washing machine, I promise you, the Red Sea parted in my laundry room. That pink blue spotted T-shirt came out of that machine with NOT ONE single spot on it. I couldn't believe it. I was speechless, shocked, and overjoyed. And just like when I was talking to the women in church, I heard, again, God's sweet and gentle voice. He said, "That's what I did for you. I washed your spots away."
And just like that, the Lord reminded me of what He had done for ME. Just like He washed those blue spots off of my most favorite T-shirt, He did the very same thing when He died for me on that cross. And that, my friends, is why I celebrate Easter and why it means so much to me. You see, my past is full of dirty, nasty, awful and humiliating mistakes. But when I asked the Lord to be the God of my life, He forgave me for those mistakes. And my slate has been wiped clean. I am a redeemed Princess of the King...an heir to the VERY throne of God. I have been promised eternity with my Heavenly Daddy, and until then, I have complete access to the Holy of Holies because Jesus intercedes to Him on my behalf. I get all of this because of the cross. I get all of this because I asked him to wash my spots away, and He DID. Just like those blue spots represented a horrible domestic mistake, the spots on my heart represented many terrible things I had done to myself and to my God. But after surrendering my life to Christ, He, just like with that pink T-shirt, washed my heart clean. He washed away my spots like He washed away the spots on my favorite T-shirt. That's just how He is.
And He wants to do that for you. Ask Him. Ask Him NOW. Ask Him to be the Lord of your life and wash your spots away. Isn't it time?! Aren't you ready to be set free from the chains those spots have represented in your life?! The only way to do that is to face them...face your spots...face your mistakes. Acknowledge them to the Lord. Tell Him about your mistakes, ask Him to forgive you for them, and then ask Him to be the Lord and Savior of your life. He'll do it. And just like I can walk around with my blue spot FREE pink T-shirt, you can walk around with a spot FREE heart. He wants you. Now. What are you waiting for?
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all of your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." -Ezekiel 36:25-27 (NIV)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Divine Insomnia
It is 4:51 a.m. and I am wide awake. As much as I would like to attribute my insomnia to pregnancy, I just know better. I have learned that when I have trouble sleeping...similar to the trouble I've been having tonight...I have learned that the Lord is trying to get my attention. I know that sounds silly to some, but tonight's insomnia is different. It is not related to oversleeping or caffeine. I'm up because I am suppose to be up. It has been divinely orchestrated. I am suffering from Divine Insomnia. And here's why...
For a while now, there has been a part of my life that I have kept to myself. A part of my heart, if you will, where I have denied access to anyone who was anybody to have any kind of say-so in this area of my life. It is nearly 5 a.m. so, if this isn't making much sense so far, you can understand why. What I'm trying to say is...there has been a part of my life that I have left completely UN-surrendered to God. He's tried to speak to me about this part of my heart and any instruction He's tried to pass my way, I have either turned a deaf ear to it OR have completely and outright disobeyed any directions He's given me in regards to it...IT being this area in my life.
All night, I've been tossing and turning. I can't tell you how many trips to the bathroom I've had to take...yes, I am pregnant, but I do believe this was part of His plan for me tonight. When I did finally doze off, I was awakened with a cough I couldn't seem to get under control which caused me to get out of bed, come into the living room, and get in an upright position so I could catch my breath. Yeah, that bad. When I finally went back to sleep (on the couch) after that, my 4-year-old woke me up crying with a random double eye infection. Once I got him settled down, I tried to settle myself down, but failed...epically. I dragged myself out of bed. Again. Came BACK into the living room and finally got the message. I realized, finally, why I was up. After some prayer, some repenting, and some good ol' Bible reading...here I am. Talking to you.
I'm tired of fighting, y'all. This "area" of my life has had me gripped in anger, hostility, resentment, and bitterness for too many months now. And I'm just plain tired. The Lord was tired of fighting me, too. I'm so thankful He didn't give up on me. He knew I had wasted too much energy lately, and I believe He was ready to set me free from all of this. Sometimes, we just have to let things go. And let me be the first to tell you...this "area," this little situation I've been referring to all this time is NOT even resolved. Oh no, the people involved are still the same. The set of circumstances are ALL still the same. The very awkward environment that surrounds this thing is...you guessed it...the SAME. But here's the best part...I'm NOT. No, I am NOT the same person I was about 20 minutes ago. I am no longer holding onto the negative force that has been bringing me down (and other important loved ones around me too) for all this time. I am FREE!!
What about you? What are you still holding onto? Is there an "area" of your life that you have just refused to let go and let God? Why? Why keep fighting it? What if you're like me? What if you're situation never changes? It may never change. But you can. Your God is waiting for you to surrender so He can change you into the Beloved Child of God He has always wanted you to become. And by holding onto to negativity in your life, what good does that do ya? In the words of Dr. Phil..."How's that working out for ya?" Sometimes, we just have to let things go. When we don't, we turn into these things that God never intended us to be. That was me. Just 20 minutes ago. This thing...this thing that I was too exhausted to be anymore.
I feel better already. Now, maybe I can get some sleep. You should, as well. It's time. Time for you to rest. Rest. Rest in the Lord. Let Him fight your battle. You need only to be still.
"I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." -Ezekiel 36:25-26
Go and rest, sweet friends.
Linds
For a while now, there has been a part of my life that I have kept to myself. A part of my heart, if you will, where I have denied access to anyone who was anybody to have any kind of say-so in this area of my life. It is nearly 5 a.m. so, if this isn't making much sense so far, you can understand why. What I'm trying to say is...there has been a part of my life that I have left completely UN-surrendered to God. He's tried to speak to me about this part of my heart and any instruction He's tried to pass my way, I have either turned a deaf ear to it OR have completely and outright disobeyed any directions He's given me in regards to it...IT being this area in my life.
All night, I've been tossing and turning. I can't tell you how many trips to the bathroom I've had to take...yes, I am pregnant, but I do believe this was part of His plan for me tonight. When I did finally doze off, I was awakened with a cough I couldn't seem to get under control which caused me to get out of bed, come into the living room, and get in an upright position so I could catch my breath. Yeah, that bad. When I finally went back to sleep (on the couch) after that, my 4-year-old woke me up crying with a random double eye infection. Once I got him settled down, I tried to settle myself down, but failed...epically. I dragged myself out of bed. Again. Came BACK into the living room and finally got the message. I realized, finally, why I was up. After some prayer, some repenting, and some good ol' Bible reading...here I am. Talking to you.
I'm tired of fighting, y'all. This "area" of my life has had me gripped in anger, hostility, resentment, and bitterness for too many months now. And I'm just plain tired. The Lord was tired of fighting me, too. I'm so thankful He didn't give up on me. He knew I had wasted too much energy lately, and I believe He was ready to set me free from all of this. Sometimes, we just have to let things go. And let me be the first to tell you...this "area," this little situation I've been referring to all this time is NOT even resolved. Oh no, the people involved are still the same. The set of circumstances are ALL still the same. The very awkward environment that surrounds this thing is...you guessed it...the SAME. But here's the best part...I'm NOT. No, I am NOT the same person I was about 20 minutes ago. I am no longer holding onto the negative force that has been bringing me down (and other important loved ones around me too) for all this time. I am FREE!!
What about you? What are you still holding onto? Is there an "area" of your life that you have just refused to let go and let God? Why? Why keep fighting it? What if you're like me? What if you're situation never changes? It may never change. But you can. Your God is waiting for you to surrender so He can change you into the Beloved Child of God He has always wanted you to become. And by holding onto to negativity in your life, what good does that do ya? In the words of Dr. Phil..."How's that working out for ya?" Sometimes, we just have to let things go. When we don't, we turn into these things that God never intended us to be. That was me. Just 20 minutes ago. This thing...this thing that I was too exhausted to be anymore.
I feel better already. Now, maybe I can get some sleep. You should, as well. It's time. Time for you to rest. Rest. Rest in the Lord. Let Him fight your battle. You need only to be still.
"I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." -Ezekiel 36:25-26
Go and rest, sweet friends.
Linds
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