I Hate Myself

What kind of "feeler" are you?  Ok, I just lost all of my male readers with that question right there. 




(That's ok.  I think I just had one male reader anyway...Hi, husband!) 




Seriously...




Do you feel deeply?  Or do you kind of keep everything on the surface?




The reason I ask is because I am a deep feeler...like...real deep...way down low deep.  Anyone?




And this can create a problem for me sometimes.  Anyone?




If I get tickled...I laugh loudly.  If I get sad...I cry intensely.  If I get mad...well, you get the picture.




And I can really hate myself for feeling so much.  Anyone?

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Ever wonder why we wrestle so much with unhappiness?  Especially when it comes to ourselves?  I've realized we will never truly be content while here on this planet because this place, this place we call Earth, is not our home.  Our enemy, the Impostor I like to call him, spends a lot of time trying to convince us of our unhappiness, of our discontentment in ourselves so that we will waste our time being miserable here on this planet and miss...so that we will MISS (did you catch that?) our purpose, our reason for being created for such a time as this.  He knows our time on Earth is temporary and he also knows this is not our home.  He happens to know how the story ends.  So if we will become distracted with unhappiness, discontentment, sadness, anger, fill in your blank here, he knows we will waste our time on this planet and ultimately walk away from our God-ordained purpose out of fear of rejection, insecurity, and/or unworthiness.

Because I feel everything...remember, I'm a deep "feeler," you can only imagine how much fun my Impostor tends to have with me.  All day long I fight thoughts like...

You'll never be effective.  You're too loud, you're too bossy, you're too dumb, you're too southern, you're too ugly, you're NOT sweet-natured.

Life can be lonely, too...so my enemy goes wild when it comes to friendship...


No one wants to be your friend.  You'll never have friends.  Who would want to be your friend?  The friends you do have eventually will hurt you anyway.  Trust no one.

Anyone?

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 

John 10:10

You were made for greatness.  You were not meant to be silent.  You were not meant to cower in the corner or to resent your personality.  God created you on purpose and with purpose.  Stand up, head tall, and chin up.  You are a child of God.  Why would you let the enemy of God dictate your feelings and tell you who you are?  Let the ONE who made you be the judge of that!

Rise up!  You've got work to do!

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6 

One day, we get to go home and into the arms of Jesus we'll be safe and perfect.  Complete.

Our Deepest Pain, God's Greatest Tool

When I was a little girl, only 10-years-old, my father was pastoring the 4^th largest Baptist church in the state of Louisiana.  We had just moved to New Orleans and not long after my father had taken the pulpit at his new church, my world completely changed as I knew it.  Because of a combination of some poor choices made by the adults in my life, and some very personal things taking place between my mother and father, my church life and family life became a total wreck and source of devastation. 

As all of this was unraveling in our lives, I was still attending school at the church where my father pastored.  Unfortunately, some of the most hateful people in my life have been the very people I have sat next to on Sunday mornings.  As I played in the courtyard at recess during my 5^th grade year, someone had strategically placed a very hateful note near my lunchbox, so that when I sat down to eat my lunch that day, I would read how much they hated my father and how he didn’t deserve to be in the position he was in as a pastor.

While the feelings of the person who left that note near my lunchbox that day may or may not have been justified, for a child to be caught in the crossfire, to have to pay for the consequences of the decisions of her father is not fair.  It is not right.  But it happens every day.  You see?  As adults, we sometimes don’t consider that our poor decisions will affect those around us.  But they do.  And the affects can last a lifetime. 

For me that painful moment as a 10-year-old girl, marked the beginning of a very long, and painful at times, journey with the Lord.  But it also marked the beginning of what I now see was the road to my purpose in this life - my destiny, my ministry, the reason for which my God created me.  See?  Only our God can use our deepest hurt and our most shame-filled moments for good and for His glory.

Are you at a place, yet, where you can see that God can AND wants to use the good AND the bad in your life?  I do not believe that He wills painful things to happen to His children, but I DO believe He can use them to create us into something beautiful.  That is just who He is.

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

 -Ephesians 3:20 (ESV) 

Quit Playing It Safe

There are lots of things I am terrible at doing.  Like baking, for instance.  Or cleaning.  Oh, and math.  I’m terrible at math.  But some things like writing and organizing, I’m not too shabby at doing.  Oh, and talking - I’m great at gab - especially when it comes to mindless things.  But you get me going on something I am passionate about?!  

Not too many people I know say, “When I grow up I want to talk about sex.”  Honestly, that is not what I said either.  But as things would turn out, that is exactly what I am doing with my life.  And I could not be more excited, more thrilled, and more in love with my job than I am in this moment right now. 

I remember hearing someone once say, “You cannot amputate your history from your destiny.”  It made zero sense at the time.  But as I sit today, in this moment and realize what God has brought me through, that statement makes perfect sense.

Recently, God called me to start a ministry with the purpose of helping people find freedom from sexual sin.  Specifically, God has asked me to help men and women find freedom that only comes from the redemptive power found in Jesus Christ when they surrender their lives to Him.  Surrender means letting go of those things that have them, all of us, by the throat – lust, pornography, adultery, divorce, addiction, abuse, bad habits, prostitution, promiscuity, SIN.  Initially, I felt very overwhelmed by the call, by the task.  I still do at times.  But then I remembered exactly what my God has brought me through and redeemed me from. 

No, I cannot amputate my history from my destiny.  BUT…

My history and my future, and therefore my destiny, share the same root – Jesus Christ.

God has a calling on your life, as well.  And it is beyond your wildest dreams.  No, I never could have imagined being in this place for such a time as this.  The journey has been long and painful.  But so far, it has been worth it all.  The risk IS great.  The cost IS high.  And wouldn’t it?  And shouldn’t it?  After all, Christ gave His life for me and for you.  Shouldn’t there be some cost, some risk for following Him?

Over the weekend, while America watched 50 Shades of Grey, 21 men lost their lives for the cause of Christ at the hands of ISIS.  While men and women (yes, CHRISTIAN men and women) paid for and viewed pornography, Jesus welcomed (stood in their honor, I bet) 21 brave men as they entered Heaven. 

YES, the cost is high.  The risk is great.  The choice is hard.  But the reward is GREAT.  His Glory – our reward.

You have a calling.  You have a God-authored, Jesus-ordained calling on your life.  Don't play it safe.  Our world has enough Christian people playing it safe.  Jesus is so worth the risk.

Now, go fulfill your beautiful purpose.

Let's Talk About Sex! Introducing Freedom13 Ministries...

It was the summer of 2008 when I was sitting among a small group of women participating in a Bible study on the power of prayer.  I felt the tug at my heart.  I felt the whisper in my ear.  My response was quick and sharp.  "No, LORD.  Not me." 


I knew in that moment that he was going to prepare me for something big, something beyond my wildest dreams, something at the end of it all, I could look back on it and say, "Only you God could pull off something like that."  Since that summer in 2008, I knew God was going to use our time together to prepare me, train me, and grow me into the woman he created me to be for such a time as this.  The journey would not be without challenges, hurts and heartbreaks, but it would be worth them all.  Because when we surrender our lives to Christ and his cause, he makes life worth living.


Ya know?  Only the God I serve can take our most painful moments and turn them into glorious opportunities of servanthood.  Only the God I serve can take our most shameful moments and turn them into liberating opportunities of ministry.  And only the God I serve can take our most sinful moments and turn them into righteous opportunities of proclamation.  Months ago the Lord started piecing together the vision for Freedom13 Ministries.  The burden for this ministry came after seeing and hearing about the struggle most young people face as they try and navigate their way through a sex-saturated world.  My passion for this ministry only grew as I watched young women hide behind their shame of virginity, pornography addiction and poor relationship choices.


As an American Christian, I must face the reality and ask myself, "How have I contributed to this?"  Having grown up in the church I know sex was not something taught on regularly.  I just know I was told to not have it until I was married.  Could it be as American Christians we have somehow, unintentionally taught our Christian children to be ashamed and scared of sex and to be ashamed and scared of their virginity?  And could it also be that we have completely failed them as the Body of Christ in preparing our Christian children on how to live in a sex-saturated world?!

The mission of Freedom13 Ministries is to educate men and women of all ages on God’s design for sex and the importance of a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Freedom13 Ministries strives to be on the pro-active side of crisis pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, and men and women’s overall spiritual and emotional health.  Freedom13 Ministries also believes that Jesus forgives all sins and can restore anyone’s past no matter how dark or ugly.  It is our hope to empower men and women of all ages with the redemptive Gospel message found in the Bible. 

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” -2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)


The purpose of Freedom13 Ministries is to serve men and women of all ages who long to be set free from sexual sin.  It is easy to walk through life not realizing we are enslaved to sin that is keeping us from experiencing God's full potential for our lives.  Freedom13 Ministries educates, equips, and empowers men and women through the message of hope, redemption, salvation, restoration, healing, and accountability found in the Bible.  Additionally, Freedom13 Ministries provides support for healthy relationships, children (young to adult) effected by divorce and adultery, abstinence: God’s design for sex, and virginity (second chance virginity). 


Why the number 13?  Freedom13 Ministries believes in the Gospel message of Jesus Christ.  Galatians 5:13 says, "For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters.  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."  I believe in and proclaim the saving and miraculous power of Jesus Christ.  In my darkest moments, Jesus has been there for me.  That's just who he is.  I don’t believe in luck or magic.  I believe in Jesus and blessings.


HOW CAN YOU HELP?


1.  I need your prayers.  This ministry cannot survive without prayer.  Consider being one of our prayer partners. 
2.  I need volunteers.  Specifically, I need individuals willing to be accountability partners for those struggling with specific areas of sin. 
3.  I need financial supporters.  We are a non-profit organization and are trusting the Lord to provide donors in order to pay for brand new expenses.



Brent and I are so excited about this new journey.  Thank you for your prayer and support.  We can't wait to see how the Lord uses Freedom13 Ministries.  Where He is, there is FREEDOM!


We are on Facebook.  Like us...Freedom13 Ministries.

Heaven Came Down

Last Friday, Heaven came down and glory filled my soul.  A friend and I were able to worship with a group of women going through the recovery process at a local Christian drug and alcohol rehab facility.  My purpose in going was to share with them a message I felt the Lord had given me.  I was able to do that; we had a tremendous time.  But what those women did for me...how they blessed my heart...will forever have an impact on my life.


Before it was my time to speak, the lady in charge announced that we would worship first.  She asked my friend and me if that was OK.  I assured her it was.  She then said to the group of women, "Ladies, let us get ready to worship."  In doing so, the lights faded and every woman turned around to face the wall and closed her eyes.  What happened next has to be like something straight out of the streets of Heaven.


The music began.  The heavenly voice came across the speakers in the room.  It was not a live vocal.  The CD track was clear...


I EXALT THEE!  I EXALT THEE!  I EXALT THEE, OH LORD!


For my friend and me, the awkwardness lasted for a second, maybe.  As soon as the voices of those precious women went up, the world outside fell off of us both.  I could hear one woman across the room weeping.  Another one near by calling out the name of Jesus.  I reached to grab my friend's hand so that I would not fall over.  The Spirit of God was upon us and His presence was overwhelming.  My friend fell to her knees.  It was too much.  She needed to submit herself before the Lord.  Tears were streaming down my face. 


I prayed, "Lord God, how is it that you've chosen me to speak before these women?  I don't deserve this.  Lord, they are crying out for you.  Do you hear them, Lord?  They are so desperate for you.  Listen to them, Father.  They love you so much."  


The music played on...


HOLY SPIRIT, YOU ARE WELCOME HERE.  COME FLOOD THIS PLACE AND FILL THE ATMOSPHERE.  YOUR GLORY,GOD, IS WHAT OUR HEARTS LONG FOR...TO BE OVERCOME BY YOUR PRESENCE, LORD.


And overcome we were.  We did not have to ask for His presence.  He was already there.  And then I realized what made me love these women so much.  No, I do not have a past with drugs or alcohol addiction.  But I can relate to total despair.  I can relate to someone getting to a place where they have nothing left but to call out for Jesus.  And that is where these dear women were.  They understood and they do understand...Jesus is the game changer.  Jesus is life changing.  My friend and I not only watched as these women went from broken to Oaks of Righteousness, but we had front-row access.  Sometimes, God shows out like that.


The worship time ended.  The teaching time came and went.  We laughed and cried.  And then to top it all off, we went out worshipping one last time.  The song of choice...


THERE IS POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS...TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN, BREAK EVERY CHAIN, BREAK EVERY CHAIN.


And that is so true, my friends.  Jesus is still so much into breaking every chain in our lives.  That is probably my most favorite thing about the Guy.  Heaven sure enough came down last Friday night - an experience I will never forget.  I couldn't wait to share it.  To God be all the glory!


Linds

Grace Ambulance COME QUICKLY!

I've been reminded lately of a few things I had forgotten.  I thought...I bet I'm not the only one who can get busy and distracted and caught up in all kinds of things that don't really matter.  And so I thought it might be nice to be reminded of a few things YOU may have forgotten.


Motherhood does not equal perfection.  Nor is it easy.  Or even fun (sometimes).  Motherhood could actually be translated to mean grace needed, grace given, grace wanted, Grace Ambulance COME QUICKLY!


Marriage
Friendship
Family
Fatherhood
Church Family
Career Choice
Big Decisions
LIFE in general...


DOES NOT equal perfection.  Nor is it easy.  Or even fun (sometimes).  Any hardship, any aspect of this life we live could actually be translated to mean grace needed, grace given, grace wanted, Grace Ambulance COME QUICKLY!


God made you.  God loves you.  God does NOT make mistakes.  Life is messy.  Life is hard.  But you, my friend, are a Beautiful Mess.  And those things that make us completely inadequate are sweet reminders from God that you can NOT do this thing called life without Him.  THIS I know...even in my darkest hour...He was there for me and He is there for you.  No one is a friend like Jesus.  Happy Monday!

I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:1-3

Growing Up Is Not Easy

As a kid, I would look at other grown-ups and envy the lives they had.  With awe and wonder, I would say to myself, "I can't wait to be grown!"  Because as a kid, I thought adults...


Stayed up as late as they wanted.


Never had homework.


Never had to follow rules.


Could eat whatever they wished.


Always were right.


Always made the right decision.


Never had problems.


Well!  Now that I, myself, am an adult...I now know that my impression of other adults was...let's just say...a bit off.  As an adult, I realize I CAN stay up as late as I want, but it comes with a price.  I might not have homework, but oh what I would do to trade my current responsibilities for a little homework!  I DO have to follow rules and when I break them, my consequence is a bit more than a time out or a detention after school.  Sure, I can eat whatever I want, but I know it's not healthy and please don't get me started on being fat!  I am NOT always right.  In fact, I'm hardly right.  And I've had my share of poor decisions and have definitely been on the consequential receiving end of other adults in my life making wrong decisions.  And problems?  Don't we all have problems?!


As a kid, I used to also think that adults had so much confidence.  They knew who they were.  They had plans and goals.  The women in my life seemed so confident and happy.  The men in my life were protectors, steady, strong in their beliefs.  And I trusted them.  They never could do wrong in my eyes.  They were safe.  And they walked with the Lord. 


Yet, now that I am an adult, I feel like the older I get, the less confident I am.  Happiness is just a feeling.  It's joy that I want.  Joy that comes only from God.  AND it's something I have to pursue.  The people I trusted so much as a kid have disappointed me or passed away.  Trust has been shattered.  Good people have mad bad choices.  And some have completely walked away from the Lord.


And here's the kicker...I have disappointed others, hurt others, angered others.  I've failed over and over as a parent.  I've walked away from the Lord.  Returned.  Walked away.  Returned again.  I've lost the trust of others, made bad choices, sinned against others, and sinned against a God I cherish.  And if I'm not careful, I can let the enemy (Satan) convince me of who he thinks I am.  Along the way, I can forget who I am and Whose I am. 


Is that you today?  Have you listened to so many lies about yourself that you now actually believe those lies to be truth?  Lies about who you are.  Lies about what you do.  Lies about your marriage, your friendships, your children.  What about the young folks in your life?  Do they look at you with the same awe and wonder as I mentioned above?  Others are watching us.  I wonder what message we are sending. 


As I close, I pray you ask God to show you who you are in Him today.  I am doing the same.  And so far, I 've learned and I choose to believe that...


*I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power.


*I am alive with Christ.


*I am free from the law of sin and death.


*I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me.


*I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me.


*I am holy and without blame before Him in love.


*I have the mind of Christ.


*I have the peace of God that passes all understanding.


AND SO ARE YOU AND SO HAVE YOU.


*"Knowing Who I Am In Christ" -Joyce Meyer